fabulosity!!! ssssssssss!!!!

That's me and my sexxxy millionaire!!! His dick is as long as my red nails . . . . sssssss

Nondindwa's two-sex: black skin.

Before I open my legs, I'd like to apologise for my week long celibacy, an inconsitent blog is like a weak erection and nobody likes those. . .

Anyway, since I'm the self proclaimed Oprah of Blackgirl nonsense, I thought i should create "Nondindwa's two-sex", a column where I can subrcribe blackgirl products from diet pills to skin-care products and give my two-cents on the product just like Oprah!

It makes sense for me to start with the God of all blackgirl Jesus's: PONDS. This magical face cream is the staple in million's of Lindiwe Vilakazi handbags, It's the reason why most taxi rank sluts have pale faces and dark arms and it's a symbol of hope to the dark blackgirl who has issues with being black. If you want your hair to be pulled out, steal a blackgirl's tube of ponds.
The advert for Pond's cream goes something like this: "pond's destroys all those dark skin cells, revealing your natural even skin tone". . . Because being dark is an unnatural disease that can be cured by a cheap day cream. Because being light is every blackgirl's destiny, get white or die trying. Because lighter or "natural" girls get more attention from tenderpreneurs with wallets as thick as their phalluses. Because black is ugly and Jesus is white. Try it! You can agree or disagree with my untamed vagina but you cannot ignore the fact that alot of skin-care products aimed at black women take advantage of the never ending brainwash residues and that alot of blackgirls have been obnubilated in order to make money. Maybe my objection is tainted by my emotions but then again this blog is, after all, a pit latrine for my shitty opinion. What do YOU think, blackgirl?

Chakalaka

These are my girls!! I am so proud them for making it so far in the "Step up or Step out" dance competition that plays on Etv every sunday, considering that blackgirls are not taken seriously thanks to the new breed of delusional krumpers with oversized sneakers and stuffed nickers. My vagina dries up in agony everytime i hear them going on about haters from neverland in their faux-American accents. There is no doubt that the commercial success of South African dancers and musicians depends on how well they mimic American artists which is why I was shocked that Chakalaka even made it through the first round of auditions. Maybe we have Arthur (bless his dick) Mafokate's presence in the judging panel to thank for that. I hope not.
Chakalaka is fighting in the same blackgirl battle against Church ladies who disapprove of our dress code. Black people have, all of a sudden, adopted the European concept of conservate dress -a concept that came on a boat. Chakalaka, through their dancing, make a powerful feminist statement that encourages blackgirls everywhere to embrace their erection inspiring figures without worrying too much about a concept that was made by an insecure white man to prevent women from realising their power.

I hope i see more hip shaking, leg splitting, weave disassembling, pelvis thrusting and booty hopping moves from Chakalaka! Nondindwa loves you Chakalaka, don't drop yourselves in the water!

i love you Juju!!!

We all have our own lousy opinion about Julius Malema and his perpetual controversy, I dont even know why I'm blogging about him because the world is talking about him like HIV already.

The DA announced that they want SARS to look into his wealth , I want to look into his underpants!!! I think it is safe to conclude that Julius Malema has the biggest penis in politics! It's large enough to unravel any red plastic weave and I want mine to be the first because i know he can afford to buy me another one. If he is as fierce and thorough in bed as he is at ANC rallies, he can make me his sex slave any day! He is every blackgirls dream. . . .
Nondindwa loves you JUJU

Makarapa lover

This is Benifactor, my Makarapa lover, who is watching the Pirates vs Hotspurs game with me at Nandi's Mnandi Shebeen at this very moment. Everybody is wearing their Pirates soccer Jerseys and Makarapa Helmets, I am showing my support by wearing my white linen bootleg pants; silver belt; black skin top and leather jacket as well as my white open-top cap. I can tell that Nandi is jealous of my opulent ensemble (her and I dont get along ever since she found her husband's black label in my mouth).
I have become very fond of soccer and it's therapeutic qualities for men. Soccer gives men the opportunity to release the emotions that they have learnt to suppress for manhood's sake. It allows the men to cry together without being called "sister Betina". Soccer gives our men the opportunity to climb on top of each other in joyful groin-to-groin hugs without being called names. It even gives them the chance to wear black and white wigs and make up, something they don't allow themselves to do everyday and if men had to fuck each other in the name of soccer it would be acceptable. If i had to dump Benifactor tonight, he'd realease the anger at the next soccer match (irradication of women abuse).
My nipples are erected by the bright spectrum of intense emotions coming from these men, it is truly a beautiful site and I am aware of the sexual benefits of an emotionally stable man which is why I am going home with Benifactor tonight.

VIVA Pirates!! (gives vuvuzela a blowjob)

Goodenough, buyela ekhaya!Goodenough, buyela ekhaya!

i love this show. I do! Andile is a hot blondarexic bitch who hosts a show as real as her blonde pubes!! The show gives me the same feeling i get when my heels break in public and i am forced to walk barefoot, its a hot slap of reality that weakens the glue that bound me to a fantasy. Very little shows do what khumbulekhaya does to me. Even with a host who talks like a radio zulu advert for love muti, Nondindwa still takes an hour of her whoring time to listen to the sad but common stories of black South Africans who have left their homes in pursuit of bigger penises and shinier weaves or to escape family conflict and toilet seat drama. Some left home to fight for the freedom of our country and never came back. Some left home to buy ultramel and never came back. Some went to work in the city and found a woman with a behind large enough to make them forget about the homes they left behind. I relate to these stories because i am no different to all those people with funny names who are desperate to reunite with their loved ones. I have a father who went missing a few months after i was born and nobody has heard of him ever since. Like most of the people on Khumbulekhaya i do not know the reasons for his departure but unlike them i do not have the courage to search for him. So, without going any deeper in my emotional vagina, you can see that this show presents a hardcore reality and it diserves the title "reality show" more than Nonhle Thema's show. I love Khumbulekhaya as much as Andile loves hydrogen peroxide and i hope we will see more people being reunited (and more fabulous names)!

Nondindwa, buyela ekhaya.

Captain Mildred.

Dear diary

Mildred is a Quantum driver (i have class, i dont go for anything below quantum). He gives me free rides to the salon and buys me red-squares and gizzard kebabs when we go out at night. Sometimes, after a hectic night, we will go back to his Quantum where he will play Zondi's Romantic Ballads while we have some fun in the backseat. He has given me financial support eversince i was 14 years old so you can only imagine how special he is to me.
After Nkululeko Buthelezi announced that Santaco will be launching a Taxi Airline in September, spasms of excitement hit my vagina and tears of joy smudged my blue mascarra -Mildred is going to be a Pilot!! THANKS GOD! Besides the fact that he will finally be able to afford the set of AMC pots and tupperware containers that i've always wanted, he will be part of a revolution. It's about time taxi drivers do something other than cause accidents and break traffic law. I don't care whether you've had a fucked up experience with a leather jacket clad zulu driver or not, you have to acknowledge the contribution taxis have made to the black economy. They have provided fast and inexpensive transportation to a group of people who would have otherwise struggled to get to work. The fact that the taxi industry has grown rapidly regardless of their frizzy plastic weave of a reputation is proof that the government has ,after countless efforts, failed in many ways to provide alternative means of transportation (gautrain my ass). I'm glad that the taxi industry is embarking on this new venture and i hope the existing service and safety problems are not boarded on the aircraft. Who knows, Nondindwa might be that proud hostess who asks you "Mogodu or Kota"

Halala Mildred! Halala!

my Red Rihanna weave, I REST!

Ebenezer bought this weave for me!!! iyangifanele neh!!!!

Oral Jewellery for Nondindwa

dear diary

I finally have a plan to defeat my financial blackgirl problems!! i want to be an undertaker! like, for real! If i dig up all the graves in Umlazi, kwamashu, Ntuzuma,Lamontville and other townships i will be a millionaire. 90 percent of Zulu people living in KZN townships have some sort of oral jewellery, be it the upside down "L" or the upside down "T" or the whole tooth covered in precious metal. Even the poorest of the poorest blackgirl can afford to pay medical Aid premiums just so that they can also embellish their dental structure. Some people even resort to street dentists who will gladly bang a gold tooth into your gums with a hammer on the corner of Garish street and Tacky avenue. This 'once upon a time' status symbol has become a blackgirl rash that is slowly growing on me!i have secret desires for a golg upside down "T" on my front teeth(don't judge me, i've judged myself enough), i just have to find a Mzwakhe who drives a Quantum to pay for it! Anywho, back to me digging up graves, i will just remove all the gold teeth from the decomposed skeletons wihout disturbing their souls (Dr Love will b with me). Its a certain "new age Mining" founded by your one and only Nondindwa the Black!

PS: i kissed a guy with oral Jewellery and i LOVED IT!!!!

we Baba ka Mdudu!!

Uyangichaza losisi!!! Nondindwa has experienced the same black girl problem. sies Madoda! SIES!!!